Sunday, February 1, 2009

doug phi moe (this is not a joke:)

I just have to take this post to share about a "gem" of a book that was recently sold to HPB: "Doug Phi Moe: He's Over Here Projecting Christianity" (by Douglas S. McGlohon). I think about 6 or so of these books were sold to us at the same time and we were originally going to superbuy them, but upon closer inspection, we realized that we could not ask (or allow:) anyone to pay money for this. We spent a good amount of time laughing about this book. The following is what is on the back of the book. This is presented verbatim, I assure you (that is what makes this so great, or horrifying).

Book Description:
Doug Phi Moe at age eight young school boy and loving Christian family. Where his mom is just a poor Christian housewife and his father works at the local mill or box factory.

Although they are a very poor family they take for their foundation the Lord Jesus Christ.

And attend church every Sunday and take part in bible study and other Christian programs during the week.

Doug Phi Moe's mother and father has vowed that their son won't have to struggle through life as they did, being undereducated and living a life of poorness. By making it mandatory that he gets a good education.

While walking through the city Doug Phi Moe from not wanting to go to school begin to love school.

While sitting at the local soul food restaurant. He begin to watch the seniors an their pattern of life. Being growned in Christianity, some he still loved although Doug Moe felt they were not Christ-like but he loved them all.

Several years later Doug Phi Moe finishes high school, undergrad and obtains his law degree and becomes a very successful corporate attorney.

Always thinking about the women he loves so very much next to his monotheism or God. Being prior service he has to leave here in tears fro secret operations overseas in what will be very dangerous military activity. Yet the mission which takes several months is a success and he arrives back into the states.

When he marries and they birth a booming baby boy as he returns back to his practice or can interpize and enjoys his family and friends.

I have read parts of this book and what's inside is equally terrible, both grammatically and content-wise. I have a copy of this and will gladly share this with all who are interested.:) I took this to mom and dad's and they got a big kick out of this. We laughed for quite some time. The book is seriously trying to be a christian, romance, suspense thriller. O yeah, and it's billed as a "biography". Upon reading parts about his "war experience" Dad picked up on several historical innacuracies (not the least of which is the fact that he referred to a second vietnam war). Half the "sentences" are fragments, the tense changes all the time and the use of adjectives is unreal. The book is published by basically a self-publishing house, so i guess that's how this is in print. It's a true disgrace.:)
At work, after reading a short portion of the back I stated that it was an embarrasment to Christianity. My coworker promptly replied that he would go so far as to say it is an embarrasment to humanity. I have to agree.:)
I will leave you with a quote from this book, just to give you a bit more of a taste (and I will definitely be bringing this to more Sunday dinners):

"Doug Moe continued to chow down on the good tasting fried chicken and good old soul food. The television continued to project the picture at hand. Doug Moe picked up the glass of apple juice, and he consumed all of it. He stood up straight in his beautiful night robe. He advanced toward his private law library off from the house's fireplace. He put his hands on his hips projecting his masculinity. He looked at chapters, the vision of his ALR, General Statutes, Southeastern Reporters, Douglas forms, and many more law books he has in his condo."


Jessy said...

wow... that's about all I can say lol

stephanie said...

WHAT? This is crazy insane! Seriously, how could anyone in their right mind think this was even good enough to self-publish. It doesn't make sense. It's like a terrible junior high writing project where they used the thesaurus to pick strong words which then made the sentence confusing. Now, I want to know if the seller of the book was indeed Douglas McGlohon? Do you know? Oh, I miss the days of treasured finds. :) See you this weekend.

Anonymous said...

I am quite certain this is my new favorite comedy!! :)

Noah Judd

Margaret said...


jeremy said...

I thought Doug Phi Mo was some sort of wacky fraternity or something. He is now my hero...and I hear he might be in the next Batman movie.

Anonymous said...

Actually Jeremy Doug Phi Moe invented Batman and "projected" all the strategies that he uses and becides he is the developer of gravity and well I think he invented breathing as well. It is all contained in THE book... which should certainly be subtitled:
Doug Phi Moe... I don't let facts stand in the way.
LOL dad

liz nelson said...

Steph,I don't know who sold them... I wasn't there for that part. I can't imagine anyone besides Dough Phi Moe having 6 copies of it though.:)

Jeremy,If Doug Phi Moe is in the next batman, I will pee my pants with joy. My life will be made.:)

Dad,your subtitle for Doug Phi Moe (I don't let facts stand in the way) is definitely a close second to: "He's over here projecting Christianity." it is also quite likely that he did indeed accomplish all those things you mentioned.:)

Alaina said...

I'm still laughing... :) This book must come to every family event! :)

liz nelson said...

o, it will.:)

Andrew said...

This book is, amazingly, offered by Amazon; sales rank is #6,289,146. No reviews. If you don't go review it, I'm going to copy your blog post in as your review for you :)

Anonymous said...

Liz, I sitting in my beautiful rope, projecting the thoughts of this afternoons varbosious conversing. voluptious extravagant laughing with friend.

hahaha...we are all still laughing about the book. Did our impersonation above even come close...we'll have to perfect it! Heather and I just about peed our pants again after reading your blog post! Put us in line for a book!! :)

Anonymous said...

The above comment was from Heather and Emily (not michael).

liz nelson said...

heather and emily,
that was a pretty great impression of doug phi moe! you had some really great adjectives in there and your grammar was stellar.:)
i will from now on purchase any copy of this book that i see and distribute to those of us who KNOW.:)

Andrew said...

You need to watch for another book, and we may need to order it from Amazon if you don't get it in at your store:

How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? by Hiroyuki Nishigaki.

Here's just one quotation from the book (from an Amazon reviewer - you have to check out the reviews, too!):
"Besides shooting out a big blank from your buttock, you can feel as if your root chakra leaked sweet hot mucus."

liz nelson said...

this is amazing!:) i will definitely keep an eye out for this. i went to amazon and read some of the reviews, and it's really quite unreal. it seems that some people have really taken it seriously! unbelievable...

great find andrew!:)
i wonder what other obnoxious books we, as a family, can locate.:)

Megan said...

Liz ... I just stumbled upon your blog from Lains. I didn't know you had one. But when I read this, I shuddered because it sounds SO VERY MUCH like things I had to grade from my Chinese students. It sounds as if it was written in another language and then translated, hence the incredibly poor grammar and such. Seriously. I read (and graded) paper after paper after paper like this. And you just say, "Uhh ... where do I even begin????"

petereesha said...

Love reading your comments about Dougs book!!! We actually know him and it is amazing that he actually has a "book". He walks about town some days in his "lawyer costume", some days in his army fatigues and binoculars protecting the town and some days in his karate suit barefoot!! He checks into our office and other offices just to make sure we are safe and haven't seen any "bad guys"!!! Keeps things interesting in our little town!

Anonymous said...

I had the misfortune of reading this, pre-edits, and was asked to fix it, and yeah, I passed. Not even Tolkien could have helped that one. I will admit though it's 5 years later and those of us who read it still laugh.

Anonymous said...

This is funny! I happen to know the author. He is paranoid schizophrenic and all the characters In his book are his alter egos in his mind. One day he' s a martial artist, the next he's an attorney/corporate executive, and he's the military soldier engaged in combat. He actually dresses each role. The book is mostly fiction and a figure of his imagination. However, prior to his mental illness he was a honor student and would have been a great attorney.